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Jul. 6th, 2008 @ 01:38 pm (no subject)
the gayest weekend of my life... i mean homosexually.

i was even offered money for sex...

i said show me the cash first.
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Jul. 4th, 2008 @ 04:53 am (no subject)
oh yeah... i got the new comas... and kristie got the new mates of state... i totally picked the better one. i'm hooked on like 3 songs but i love the whole thing.
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Jul. 4th, 2008 @ 04:49 am (no subject)
so the interview went very well... specs howard, radio broadcasting motherfucker...

went all the way down to the tastefest and still missed the band... but it's cool. we found another place to get pot. you don't have to call or anything... baddass.

so all in all i'm feelin good.

reminds me of that elliot smith song "gonna spend the day higher than high." it's called independence day... you should check it out.
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Jun. 26th, 2008 @ 09:25 pm (no subject)
specs howard interview
tuesday, 11am
alright. lets do this shit.
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Jun. 23rd, 2008 @ 10:38 am (no subject)
i feel lost.
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Jun. 23rd, 2008 @ 12:55 am (no subject)
however juvenile and cliche it may sound... ever since i was like 15 my life has had one of three themes. sex, drugs, or rock and roll.

well i don't need to speak on the horrible reputations in have for the first two, but now i'm in a band again.

i used to talk for hours to someone on aim who's screenname was juvenilecliche. funny.

me and kristie went to church. we needed it after these past couple of weeks.

watch the skies. the clouds tell stories. i swear. like not even random ones. they can tell you about your immediate life.
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Jun. 20th, 2008 @ 12:21 am (no subject)
i don't even know man... i don't even know.
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Jun. 16th, 2008 @ 09:51 am (no subject)
wow man... this weekend was i dunno. i was good? no dude.... it was bad. lost two cellies, almost lost my keys, not sure if i lost my mind... one to remember. everybody we bring into this circle of friends gets caught up in shit. i think i need to holla at derrick about some shit too. and besides that there's some shit i should probably find out about. in and out of blackouts.

we were pissed about what happened when we were drunk, so we got drunk again lookin to feel better about it.

thus is the logic of youth.

man the three of us, is a dangerous combination. air signs rule though. like o'doyle.
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Jun. 11th, 2008 @ 06:09 pm (no subject)
me: see you later.
autistic chick: you're sexy teddy.
me: well thank you. that's very flattering.
autistic chick: i'm gonna take you out.
me: see you later jennine
autistic chick: i think you're sexy.
me: hah, well you're not the only one.
autistic chick: what?
me: nothing. i'm spoken for. bye.

true story. witnessed by my mom and little brother.


weird. i don't even know if i should take that as a self esteem booster or just the opposite.
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Jun. 11th, 2008 @ 01:20 pm (no subject)
every day when i wake up, i have this feeling. it's down in the pit of my gut. it wrenches a little, then subsides, and begins again. i wrestle with it for about 10-15 minutes. when i've finally given up on going back to sleep, i rub one out and thank god for waking up and try to get on with the day. there's a problem though. every day lately the feelings been lasting longer. i don't wanna see a doctor, because for one they hardly every help anything, and for two i don't feel like going through the trouble of talking about it with my family. i've got a feeling that maybe the insane amount of hard drugs i've done have taken a toll on my body. or maybe the drinking. or something... i always just tell myself that my youth will cure things. normally it does. however dumb it sounds. maybe it's stress related. this year has been an all out assault on the self esteem. but i gotta fly.
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Jun. 6th, 2008 @ 10:11 am (no subject)
3 sex dreams in one night... i'm tryin to not even think about who they were about... well not really about.... more or less i mean starring? anyway... this is driving me crazy. i'm starting to have wet dreams. you know like i'm fuckin 13 years old. i hate myself.

all of this angst is just turning inward now. i take it out on myself.

torture.

someone should just run up and stab me and run away. like on oz.


monday.

i'm sick of waking up like this. i've been tryin to keep my sex drive down with drugs... but that's never successfull. i feel like such and asshole. i just.. man i don't even know. i've run out of words. i never run out of words.
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Jun. 4th, 2008 @ 07:44 pm (no subject)
fuck my life
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Jun. 3rd, 2008 @ 02:28 am (no subject)
i'm burnin coal now, i'm on a roll now, i can feel it in my soul now. it's funny, because when the solemn takes its toll now, i'm ready, i'm not about to fold now. i walkin up these proverbial steps now, think i'm about to kill my rep now. i'm knowing, and all this second guessing, is manifested in this stressin when its time to roll. i'm going, face first into things make faces burst, i'm shakin off the cold now. i'm holdin, onto new knowledge, and things i've learned in college. to those i pay homage, i, would like to see, if things really make me and if i'm really free. and, if sex in the hindsight is really just a mess, is more really less. or the other way around, because i'm down. that's at least the way i feel right now.
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May. 31st, 2008 @ 09:08 pm (no subject)
and thus concludes the story of funk night.
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May. 28th, 2008 @ 11:09 pm (no subject)
dear god,

i know i've been selfish. we haven't spoken formally in a while, but i feel i need to make my feelings concrete. i've always been outspoken about our relationship to my peers. some have thought i was crazy for it. some got it. few got it. but it's cool. i know the essense of our connection is of love, and faith, and all the good things people are down with you for. but i must get to the point. i can't escape the feeling that you've been keeping a special eye on me. all the times i've woke up at beaumont, botsford, henry ford, st.joes/johns ect. all of the dirty detroit back allies i've seen. all the convicts, criminals, junkies, and dealers that have kept my company. i should be dead. and i'm not. and for the first time in a long time i can honestly say i'm happy you saved me. or set up my saving or however your mysterious ways work. now we both know that i've strayed from my mission, and lately i've been feeling like i need to get back to that. you know, saving the world and all. and while i was blinded by the world, you began the taketh away process. i have been humbled. i want to say this in black and white. i'm sorry, you were right, and i was a fool to believe that i had this thing figured out better than you would. i've been to the lowest depths. i've seen shit that no one should see. i got cold. i lost my lust for life. i forgot what i was here for. and that is love, and friendship and people. i'm ready to get back to that. i'm ready to be a hero again. but i know i've got to climb. and i'm down. i've washed away those that held me back. i'm ready for the sunlight. wrap it all around me. let it flow through me. i wanna be your hero. i know you're listening. i'm screaming as loud as i can. i fucked up, but i'm seeing clearly. i'm sorry if this was overdramatic. i just needed to get this out.

love, Terrance
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May. 27th, 2008 @ 08:06 pm (no subject)
ok so what the fuck man.... sensoryn overload...

way too much on my mind to deal with. and now there's nothing so i figure i should reflect or something... right?


so this weekend started friday i guess... lynnie was out of town... so we went to tashi's and smoked and then ended up at chris siddock's house smokin and drinkin and shit... which ended up being cool... saw some boobies in the bathroom that i had yet to see. i'm giving that a good grade... pretty cool, on the male scale. but we sink deeper into the drink as the song says, and the night gets pretty blurry. it much have been that last forty. but i'd never seen my girlfriend so drunk. in the past i've had pretty bad experiences with drunken girlfriends...

speaking of which... random "only her" encounter. i called tasha to see where she was because i was in ypsi saturday night... and then she got on the phone. and we talked and it was casual and of course she was rambling and confusing, and i always tell myself "fuck that girl". but i know that i'm still fond of her... i wouldn't say hott on her shit... but it doesn't matter anyway. she sounded happy for someone who isn't "legally" allowed to talk to me. oh well. fuck her. done thinking about that. i hope.

didn't get to see cool kids or girl talk or rilo kiley. but i guess i'll live. that whole day was just so messy. but it ended well... didn't know i'd be so well accepted by my neighbors. but blunts have a way of making a connection between people. she lost her keys. i hadn't taken that seroquel in a few days. hadn't slept much. it was just a mess all bad. des called me today to see if i'd recovered... and luckily i had... he also returned my cds. minus a few.

monday was perfect though. just needed to relax you know. chill. smoke out. relax. perfect... it let me get my head on straight again... and organized some thoughts....

go to sleep.
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May. 26th, 2008 @ 07:25 pm (no subject)
i'm feelin happy
i'm so highly evolved
my times a riddle
i will never be solved.
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May. 21st, 2008 @ 10:34 am (no subject)
at first you don't even notice because sometimes you forget it's there, but then it strikes you. the warm maternal solace of the moon. luna in full force. the gravity, it fucks with the chemical composition in your brain. cue up the flood. your brain is swimming in dopamine. this situation gives way to the circumstance and suddenly you feel your hand reaching for that lever. it takes forever but you finally find it and the lights streak as you fall backwards. sink deeply into your seat. this is some kind of cartoonish level of comfort that you forget even exists until it happens. man that fuckin moon dude. god bless it. god bless it for all the remedies, for all the long nights, for its ability to wash the day away. as you're melting into the seat you gotta reach sideways and grab a hold of the only one that can save you. if it wasn't for the electricity in her touch, you'd probably pass out. but it's cool, because she's there. in real life. in the flesh. man, so long as you can touch her, it's ok to be born poor, it's ok to be completely lost in the world, it's ok to be a sinner. for as long as this feeling exist, you know that god, or whatever you wanna call it, has your back, and it's ok to get lost in that gravitational pull. the full moon, thank god for the day.
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May. 20th, 2008 @ 02:17 pm (no subject)
i feel strange... and uncertain. like somethings about to happen that i didn't plan for. or never saw coming. i'm psycic yo. i can feel it in my body. not like i can predict your future or read your palm like some dionne warrick shit. but more psycic like my body tells me something. the problem is that it's never exact. like that one night that orie fucked like three of my hommies. and like called the next day to tell me about... just to make sure it bothered me. what the fuck right? or that day kyle's stupid fuckin brother spray painted my car. son of a bitch. but i only got it a few times at eastern. it happens mostly when i'm here. my life was a lot different there. less drama of sorts. but i really don't know of much drama that surrounds me now. i've been pretty good at staying out of trouble. i've had a wonderful lady in my life the whole time... so my penis hasn't gotten me into any trouble. at least yet anyway. i always try to use the little maturity i have and not think with my other head or whatever. everybody knows the saying that if the blood's flowin towards one, it won't flow towards the other. and i need to keep the one behind my eyes workin overtime nowadays. but everything seems to be fine... so what the hell do i have this feelin for? everybody's been tellin me that i seem down for the past couple of days i guess. i don't know... all i knows is that it scares me. and i don't scare easy.

"now i'm confused. is this death really you? and do these dreams have any meaning?
no no, i think it's more like a ghost, that's been following us both.
something vague that we're not seeing."
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May. 15th, 2008 @ 10:14 pm (no subject)
that picture brings back so many memories... but that's not why we're here.


i've got a feelin man. but i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. it's like a dark cloud. a smog that you can't escape from, clouding my judgement, constricting my every breath. it's like an abusive relationship, or a rapist, or your mother on crack. it's this overwhelming feeling. man i hope you never get this feeling. it's a monster that follows me where ever i go. wearing my clothes, and decieving my friends. theres no words for it. which makes this whole thing pointless. i mean come on, would something as simple and common as sadness do it justice? maybe something more extreme like a complete and utter desititute for any hope that you would ever see the sun again. right now i feel as if i'm doing push ups with a boulder on my back.

i used to self medicate.
however unpopular a decision it was, heroin killed this feeling.
now where's every motherfucking person in my life that wanted me to give the shit up.

now what the fuck am i supposed to do? no one else gets this shit in the pit of their stomach. no one else can feel this shit. literally, physically hurting. my head and my muscles and my stomach fucking aches. where's your motherfucking cure for this shit?

i guess in the end it doesn't really matter...


because you don't have to feel it....

but i do. and i'm fucking pissed.
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